I am going to spend the next two years of my life at the University of Wisconsin-Oshkosh, pursuing my Music Minor hard-core. If things go well for me, I may be able to obtain my music minor in one and a half years. In that case, transferring colleges will come sooner for me.
However, for my next Spring Break (Spring 2011) I will be taking a lovely, well-waited for, visit to New Mexico. I will take a campus tour at the University of New Mexico, a university that I've heard many great things of, and simply take in the area.
On my two-year plan, I will be visiting New Mexico again in Spring 2012 and/or perhaps in January 2012 —— depending on how much money I have. And then by Fall 2012, I hope to be a student at the University of New Mexico, that is if I get accepted which I should, because I get good grades! I am ready to fulfill my Navajo dream, whether it's in the literal sense or the sense I have a long-term commitment down there. And my Navajo dream does recur every week. This week will mark week eight of this dream.
I<3NN
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Thursday, March 11, 2010
How I Feel About Myself
I don't and never have put much value on myself for I put exceedingly more value on others. I do believe that it all comes down to my old way of thinking that my sole purpose was to ease the lives and burdens of others and not my own, to please others and not myself, to do things for others and not for me, to love others and not myself.
This way of thinking was shaken down to its foundation when my soul, heart, and mind became sad, it was quite a depressive sad. For months, I had no idea why they were sad. It truly puzzled me. In January of 2009, I came to terms with the dismal reality of the state of things within myself, which I quickly perceived were bad. There was no love for myself in me.
At that point, I knew I had a lot of thinking to do. Ergo, I thought and thought and though until I came up with a solution, a selfish one —— at least I thought so at the time. I promised myself that until I began to love myself I would put off the demands of others and to stop pleasing others until I did. It wasn't until June of 2009 that I instigated fulfilling my promise to myself. During this period I was on Summer Break and had lots of time to dedicate to myself.
Through many meditations, relaxing candle lit baths, pampering myself, and taking care of myself more I learned how to love myself. I remember several occasions during this time when family or friends asked for a back, neck, or foot rub and I flat out refused. Back to the point. I ever so nurtured myself during this period which ended in mid-August of 2009. I learned how to self-love in about two and a half months.
After that was when I started using Twitter more and when I became the coolest sibling in my family. I also grew into a happier person, capable of love and kindness on a greater level than before, now my promise seems all-the-less selfish. I have a better way of thinking. I still have yet to embrace myself fully and to place great value on myself. I know this will come with time.
I now share my burdens with a select bunch of people I've met on Twitter. My favorite quote about this comes from the Osage tribe: "We are friends; we must assist each other to bear our burdens." These people, as notated by Twitter username, are @Thisoutlawtorn, @MeanderingSoul, @Queerbunni —— who is no longer with us on Twitter, and @West_4. I would trust my heart in their hands any day.
I would like to add that the sweetgrass that my Twitter friend @TashinaBanks gave me truly has helped with the issue that this blog post is about. It attracted positiveness to me and thereby has made me so much more of a positive person.
My piece of wisdom for you is:
I learned that the hard way and, must I say, it was quite the journey. I now look in the mirror and I love the person I see and I recognize her! I also feel damn good about myself!
Question (please let me know your answer via Twitter @starsintheskies): How do you feel about me?
This way of thinking was shaken down to its foundation when my soul, heart, and mind became sad, it was quite a depressive sad. For months, I had no idea why they were sad. It truly puzzled me. In January of 2009, I came to terms with the dismal reality of the state of things within myself, which I quickly perceived were bad. There was no love for myself in me.
At that point, I knew I had a lot of thinking to do. Ergo, I thought and thought and though until I came up with a solution, a selfish one —— at least I thought so at the time. I promised myself that until I began to love myself I would put off the demands of others and to stop pleasing others until I did. It wasn't until June of 2009 that I instigated fulfilling my promise to myself. During this period I was on Summer Break and had lots of time to dedicate to myself.
Through many meditations, relaxing candle lit baths, pampering myself, and taking care of myself more I learned how to love myself. I remember several occasions during this time when family or friends asked for a back, neck, or foot rub and I flat out refused. Back to the point. I ever so nurtured myself during this period which ended in mid-August of 2009. I learned how to self-love in about two and a half months.
After that was when I started using Twitter more and when I became the coolest sibling in my family. I also grew into a happier person, capable of love and kindness on a greater level than before, now my promise seems all-the-less selfish. I have a better way of thinking. I still have yet to embrace myself fully and to place great value on myself. I know this will come with time.
I now share my burdens with a select bunch of people I've met on Twitter. My favorite quote about this comes from the Osage tribe: "We are friends; we must assist each other to bear our burdens." These people, as notated by Twitter username, are @Thisoutlawtorn, @MeanderingSoul, @Queerbunni —— who is no longer with us on Twitter, and @West_4. I would trust my heart in their hands any day.
I would like to add that the sweetgrass that my Twitter friend @TashinaBanks gave me truly has helped with the issue that this blog post is about. It attracted positiveness to me and thereby has made me so much more of a positive person.
My piece of wisdom for you is:
Love everyone equally; that everyone includes yourself.
I learned that the hard way and, must I say, it was quite the journey. I now look in the mirror and I love the person I see and I recognize her! I also feel damn good about myself!
Question (please let me know your answer via Twitter @starsintheskies): How do you feel about me?
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
The Meaning of My Poem: 1
In this blog I am taking one of the poems I wrote, you may have seen this one on my Twitwall, and giving it the meaning I originally and secondarily had for it.
The Surface of the Ice
I can almost see the surface of the ice.
The snow is starting to melt,
revealing the ice beneath it.
When the ice is shone by itself,
it is naked
and shows what it's made of,
it's partially-true substance.
It is not until we get to the water,
when the ice has been long gone,
do we truly see the soul and the true colors
of the lifeblood of Mother Earth.
It is not until the water stands by itself
do we openly get to see
what the true substance is
of all that covered the water during winter.
It is not until the water is stripped of it's winter clothing
can we listen to it's beautiful flow
that sounds out it's deep secrets
that have been kept all winter long.
It is not until the water is au natural
do we pay attention to and observe
the real beauty of the vital fluid
of our dear and sweet Mother Earth.
But for now,
I can almost see the surface of the ice.
First off, this poem was inspired when I was just looking at a lake. I could see the ice peeping out, making its first debut since the snow covered it. And I was also inspired by the fact that Spring is almost here, or is.
The poem can be read for face value, the first meaning that I attributed to it. I want the reader of this poem to visualize snow melting to reveal ice and the ice melting to reveal flowing waters.
Now to a deeper level. The poem can be read as the shedding of layers and showing one's true beauty under all the layers. In the first stanza, the being sheds an epidermal layer. Throughout the second stanza, the dermal layer is shown, revealing a semi-truth about said being. NOTE: the second stanza begins a sight into the future.
In the third and fourth stanzas, the dermal layer has been shed and we can now see the entitiy for what it is worth. Throughout the fifth and sixth stanzas, the entity sings its secrets, no longer having anything to hide, said being can finally show it's real beauty.
In the seventh stanza, the poem moves back towards reality and it is clear that the being has not yet told of it's secrets and hasn't shown its real and true beauty.
I hope this all made sense. If you have any of your own interpretations of this poem, I would love to hear them!
Any questions, comments, or interpretations please contact me @starsintheskies on Twitter.
The Surface of the Ice
I can almost see the surface of the ice.
The snow is starting to melt,
revealing the ice beneath it.
When the ice is shone by itself,
it is naked
and shows what it's made of,
it's partially-true substance.
It is not until we get to the water,
when the ice has been long gone,
do we truly see the soul and the true colors
of the lifeblood of Mother Earth.
It is not until the water stands by itself
do we openly get to see
what the true substance is
of all that covered the water during winter.
It is not until the water is stripped of it's winter clothing
can we listen to it's beautiful flow
that sounds out it's deep secrets
that have been kept all winter long.
It is not until the water is au natural
do we pay attention to and observe
the real beauty of the vital fluid
of our dear and sweet Mother Earth.
But for now,
I can almost see the surface of the ice.
First off, this poem was inspired when I was just looking at a lake. I could see the ice peeping out, making its first debut since the snow covered it. And I was also inspired by the fact that Spring is almost here, or is.
The poem can be read for face value, the first meaning that I attributed to it. I want the reader of this poem to visualize snow melting to reveal ice and the ice melting to reveal flowing waters.
Now to a deeper level. The poem can be read as the shedding of layers and showing one's true beauty under all the layers. In the first stanza, the being sheds an epidermal layer. Throughout the second stanza, the dermal layer is shown, revealing a semi-truth about said being. NOTE: the second stanza begins a sight into the future.
In the third and fourth stanzas, the dermal layer has been shed and we can now see the entitiy for what it is worth. Throughout the fifth and sixth stanzas, the entity sings its secrets, no longer having anything to hide, said being can finally show it's real beauty.
In the seventh stanza, the poem moves back towards reality and it is clear that the being has not yet told of it's secrets and hasn't shown its real and true beauty.
I hope this all made sense. If you have any of your own interpretations of this poem, I would love to hear them!
Any questions, comments, or interpretations please contact me @starsintheskies on Twitter.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Traveler
I began traveling under one year of age, when I was a mere two and a half to three months old. This vacation was to Hawaii. The places I traveled to when was under five years of age were: Hawaii, Aruba, Venezuela, and Door County (WI). I don't remember these vacations at all. My little mind simply didn't work towards keeping an experiential memory at that time.
Since then I've traveled to Mexico, Arizona, California, Florida, Hawaii (again), Door County (again), Minneapolis, Chicago, South Carolina, North Carolina, New Orleans, Missouri, and I've been on three cruises in the Caribbean. I've had so many traveling experiences that it is hard to do just one, or two, or three, or four, I could go on all day. So if you have anything travel-based that you want me to write about, don't hesitate to ask.
Every year, since I was born, I have gone to Hawaii and Door County. My parents owned a timeshare in Hawaii that expired at the end of 2009 and my dad goes to educational seminars about Psychiatric issues in Door County every year. At this point you may be thinking: "Wow! This girl is spoiled." However, I find it all has to do with perspective. There are others more spoiled than me and there are others less spoiled than me. There are even those who aren't spoiled at all.
Okay...back to the point. Throughout the years, Hawaii has become like a second home to me. For the first 13 years of my life my family and I went to Hawaii over Spring Break. When my older sister, @FarrarHM on Twitter, went to college, her Spring Break was no longer the same. So we switched going to Hawaii to the last week of the year and the first week of the new year, over Winter/New Year Break, if you will.
This past Christmas and New Year were not spent in Hawaii, because our time share had officially expired and the hotel was changing hands. Instead, they were spent bearing the cold Wisconsin weather. I can tell you that it was a bummer that I didn't go and that I am still having withdrawal. Yes, Hawaii did addict me to it. At first Hawaii acts all innocent and tempting as 'paradise' but when you go, you succumb to it. You never want to leave and you become addicted. At least that's how my experience is with Hawaii.
All in all, one thing I learned about not going to Hawaii this past time is that I took Hawaii for granted. Now, I am grateful for Hawaii and the many wonderful and depressing experiences I've had there.
Notwithstanding, I am not as enamored with Door County, WI as I am with Hawaii. Door County, WI is an amazing place for me to go to get away from all the fast-food restaurant chains and the city drama, and it helps me slow down my pace of life a bit. The place that we stay there does not have air conditioned units but it isn't a problem. My family and I would rather experience that there than be in the comfort of air conditioning, sacrificing boating excursions on Kangaroo Lake or even go biking around the lake itself.
The reason I wrote this blog was because I am airplane-sick and Hawaii-sick right now. I miss being on an airplane and, most of all, I miss being in Hawaii.
Any questions or comments feel free to contact me on Twitter @starsintheskies.
Since then I've traveled to Mexico, Arizona, California, Florida, Hawaii (again), Door County (again), Minneapolis, Chicago, South Carolina, North Carolina, New Orleans, Missouri, and I've been on three cruises in the Caribbean. I've had so many traveling experiences that it is hard to do just one, or two, or three, or four, I could go on all day. So if you have anything travel-based that you want me to write about, don't hesitate to ask.
Every year, since I was born, I have gone to Hawaii and Door County. My parents owned a timeshare in Hawaii that expired at the end of 2009 and my dad goes to educational seminars about Psychiatric issues in Door County every year. At this point you may be thinking: "Wow! This girl is spoiled." However, I find it all has to do with perspective. There are others more spoiled than me and there are others less spoiled than me. There are even those who aren't spoiled at all.
Okay...back to the point. Throughout the years, Hawaii has become like a second home to me. For the first 13 years of my life my family and I went to Hawaii over Spring Break. When my older sister, @FarrarHM on Twitter, went to college, her Spring Break was no longer the same. So we switched going to Hawaii to the last week of the year and the first week of the new year, over Winter/New Year Break, if you will.
This past Christmas and New Year were not spent in Hawaii, because our time share had officially expired and the hotel was changing hands. Instead, they were spent bearing the cold Wisconsin weather. I can tell you that it was a bummer that I didn't go and that I am still having withdrawal. Yes, Hawaii did addict me to it. At first Hawaii acts all innocent and tempting as 'paradise' but when you go, you succumb to it. You never want to leave and you become addicted. At least that's how my experience is with Hawaii.
All in all, one thing I learned about not going to Hawaii this past time is that I took Hawaii for granted. Now, I am grateful for Hawaii and the many wonderful and depressing experiences I've had there.
Notwithstanding, I am not as enamored with Door County, WI as I am with Hawaii. Door County, WI is an amazing place for me to go to get away from all the fast-food restaurant chains and the city drama, and it helps me slow down my pace of life a bit. The place that we stay there does not have air conditioned units but it isn't a problem. My family and I would rather experience that there than be in the comfort of air conditioning, sacrificing boating excursions on Kangaroo Lake or even go biking around the lake itself.
The reason I wrote this blog was because I am airplane-sick and Hawaii-sick right now. I miss being on an airplane and, most of all, I miss being in Hawaii.
Any questions or comments feel free to contact me on Twitter @starsintheskies.
Monday, March 8, 2010
Old Soul, In Brief
People have said to me that I'm an Old Soul.
I have been told by many that I have wisdom beyond my years. I am humbled to have figured this out. I have chosen to not do some things and why I have chosen to do some things. However part of anyone's wisdom comes from making choices that may not have been good.
One can attain wisdom through: experiences, observations, choices, and asking for advice. I achieved most of my wisdom from observations, choices, and experiences. However, there have been many a time where I had to ask for advice from Grandparents, other friends, et cetera.
I know that I've yet to experience a hell of a lot more in life yet. However I wish to take all of those experiences and seize them, even the bad ones, because I know I have something to learn from each experience. I'm not in a hurry to rush anything.
I like to look forward on my future. I only look in the past to find answers for a current situation I'm in. I look into the present to seize the moment. I know, wasn't that cliché?
I've given advice to several people over my 20 years of life. However, no one asked for my advice until I was twelve or thirteen years of age. At first, giving advice was a bit uncomfortable for me. I remember saying to myself for a while: "When did I become qualified to give advice?" and, at times, "This person older than me, what do they think they can get out of someone younger than them." Over the past seven to eight years, I've become comfortable with giving others my words of wisdom and I've come to terms with the fact that I am wise beyond my years.
When I don't know how to give counsel to someone or what to say to someone, I will admit that I do not have advice for them. On occasion, I will pursue the answer to some piece of advice that I couldn't give, normally by encountering a similar problem in my own life that I would have to ask advice for.
People have said to me that I'm an Old Soul.
If you have any questions please feel free to contact me @starsintheskies on Twitter.
I have been told by many that I have wisdom beyond my years. I am humbled to have figured this out. I have chosen to not do some things and why I have chosen to do some things. However part of anyone's wisdom comes from making choices that may not have been good.
One can attain wisdom through: experiences, observations, choices, and asking for advice. I achieved most of my wisdom from observations, choices, and experiences. However, there have been many a time where I had to ask for advice from Grandparents, other friends, et cetera.
I know that I've yet to experience a hell of a lot more in life yet. However I wish to take all of those experiences and seize them, even the bad ones, because I know I have something to learn from each experience. I'm not in a hurry to rush anything.
I like to look forward on my future. I only look in the past to find answers for a current situation I'm in. I look into the present to seize the moment. I know, wasn't that cliché?
I've given advice to several people over my 20 years of life. However, no one asked for my advice until I was twelve or thirteen years of age. At first, giving advice was a bit uncomfortable for me. I remember saying to myself for a while: "When did I become qualified to give advice?" and, at times, "This person older than me, what do they think they can get out of someone younger than them." Over the past seven to eight years, I've become comfortable with giving others my words of wisdom and I've come to terms with the fact that I am wise beyond my years.
When I don't know how to give counsel to someone or what to say to someone, I will admit that I do not have advice for them. On occasion, I will pursue the answer to some piece of advice that I couldn't give, normally by encountering a similar problem in my own life that I would have to ask advice for.
People have said to me that I'm an Old Soul.
If you have any questions please feel free to contact me @starsintheskies on Twitter.
Sunday, March 7, 2010
The Entrance Audition
At 1:00pm CST, I was in a rush: finishing doing my hair, deciding what necklace to wear, and cleaning my glasses was on my mind — I wanted to see clearly and for others to see my eyes and not clouds in front of them. All of this was atop my nerves which were just bouncing to their own rhythm. I eventually got out the door and began on the road at 1:08pm CST. It wasn't until 1:16pm that I checked-in.
I was then shown the piano practice rooms and warmed up until 1:40pm, when I ventured to the Aural Skills Diagnostics Exam room. During this exam, I had to voice four different rhythmic patterns to a certain tempo. Then, I was given a certain pitch, had to sing it, then find it on the piano. Lastly, I was given a certain pitch and had to sight read four melodies, with the starting pitch being the given. I passed this area easily. I know because I did not have to sing a familiar tune such as "Mary Had a Little Lamb."
I was out of that part fifty minutes before the next part so I had time to kill. I encountered a professor I had last semester. Do I ever adore her! She introduced me to several other professors and to some Piano Performance majors and minors. I ended up chatting with other college students, the music majors and minors, and snacking on free food and drink until 10 minutes before my Piano Audition.
I made it outside the audition room's doors 5 minutes before I was to audition. I heard someone playing some piece IMPECCABLY. It was beautiful. Then the music stopped and a man, a professor, by the name of Eli Kalman. We talked for what seemed like several minutes. The vibes and energies were absolutely amazing in the room. It was just me and him in the music hall at the University of Wisconsin Oshkosh.
I proceeded with my audition, first playing "A Little Fall of Rain" then playing "Beethoven: Piano Sonata #13 In E Flat, Op. 27/1, "Quasi Una Fantasia" - 2. Allegro Molte E Vivace". Afterwards, Eli Kalman said to me, "you have potential" and he went on to say that even if I didn't make it into the music program, he would be happy to mentor me in Piano. I was in the highest of spirits after this. I went to the music majors and minors who knew Eli Kalman in some form or way and they said that I'd definitely get in.
Soon it became 3:30pm CST and I was in the Music Theory Diagnostics Exam room. I filled out a brief questionnaire and proceeded with the rest of my audition. The only thing I didn't know fully were my triads. Besides that I knew everything else on that exam. I left the exam and traveled to my car, in a very happy mood. I turned the volume off of the music in the car, so I could bask in my elatedness.
It is 10:58pm CST now and I'm still happy...I am still confident that I made it.
I was then shown the piano practice rooms and warmed up until 1:40pm, when I ventured to the Aural Skills Diagnostics Exam room. During this exam, I had to voice four different rhythmic patterns to a certain tempo. Then, I was given a certain pitch, had to sing it, then find it on the piano. Lastly, I was given a certain pitch and had to sight read four melodies, with the starting pitch being the given. I passed this area easily. I know because I did not have to sing a familiar tune such as "Mary Had a Little Lamb."
I was out of that part fifty minutes before the next part so I had time to kill. I encountered a professor I had last semester. Do I ever adore her! She introduced me to several other professors and to some Piano Performance majors and minors. I ended up chatting with other college students, the music majors and minors, and snacking on free food and drink until 10 minutes before my Piano Audition.
I made it outside the audition room's doors 5 minutes before I was to audition. I heard someone playing some piece IMPECCABLY. It was beautiful. Then the music stopped and a man, a professor, by the name of Eli Kalman. We talked for what seemed like several minutes. The vibes and energies were absolutely amazing in the room. It was just me and him in the music hall at the University of Wisconsin Oshkosh.
I proceeded with my audition, first playing "A Little Fall of Rain" then playing "Beethoven: Piano Sonata #13 In E Flat, Op. 27/1, "Quasi Una Fantasia" - 2. Allegro Molte E Vivace". Afterwards, Eli Kalman said to me, "you have potential" and he went on to say that even if I didn't make it into the music program, he would be happy to mentor me in Piano. I was in the highest of spirits after this. I went to the music majors and minors who knew Eli Kalman in some form or way and they said that I'd definitely get in.
Soon it became 3:30pm CST and I was in the Music Theory Diagnostics Exam room. I filled out a brief questionnaire and proceeded with the rest of my audition. The only thing I didn't know fully were my triads. Besides that I knew everything else on that exam. I left the exam and traveled to my car, in a very happy mood. I turned the volume off of the music in the car, so I could bask in my elatedness.
It is 10:58pm CST now and I'm still happy...I am still confident that I made it.
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Me as a Native American, pt. 1
This is a subject to me that has been held in high regard for the past couple of years. Why the past couple of years and not my whole life? My answer to that is that I was not born on a reservation, neither have I lived on a reservation. For the first eighteen years of my life I was completely like a white person. In the year 2003, I was tribally enrolled in the band of the Ojibwe people known as Red Cliff.
The first reservation I visited or saw with my eyes, not via a T.V./ computer screen or a photo, a Cherokee rez in the Smoky Mountains, in Appalachia. I didn’t like the state of affairs that I saw there. This was when I was in the third month of me being eighteen. I began to feel for these Native people who lived in bad conditions in the Appalachian Mountains. At this point, I did not know that there were tribes that lived in worse circumstances. That happened during my Spring break of my senior year of high school.
I was puzzled and when I’m confounded, I begin research. I am thankfully for the internet because it allowed me to find information based upon that Cherokee rez. And, at 18 years old, I was opened up to the corruptness of a government that I held dear to my very white heart. At this same point, I remembered that I was part Anishinaabe. Biologically, I am 1/64th Anishinaabe. Legally — because of some law — I am a little over a quarter Ojibway. (I feel better every time I get that out).
In November of the year 2008, I wrote a novel that a fictional Lakota man made an appearance in. I researched some of the Lakota language and I came upon a website that allowed me to hear how words and sounds were pronounced via audio clips. I used some words I found on this website in my novel. Using the same website I also learned to count from one through 99 in Lakota.
Then I asked myself, ‘why am I learning the Lakota language when I could be learning the language of the Ojibway people? It would make more sense that, because I’m part Ojibwe, that I would learn that language.’ So I looked online for resources and found a source that was looked over by a speaker of the Anishinaabemowin, the language of the Ojibway people. I was overwhelmed by the sounds, the look, and the length of Ojibwe words, as compared to those of the Lakota language. It was truly a completely different language. I became frustrated and simply decided to move on with my life. This all happened from November of 2008 through July of 2009.
It wasn’t until September of 2009, with the help of a class that I took called Native American Literature I, that my heart, spirit, mind, soul, and ways of thinking really changed. My spirit and heart were never full, even through my childhood. I knew something was wrong there, I just couldn’t put a finger on it until I took this class on Native American Literature. I realized that while my cousins, who were all 1/64th Ojibwe, and my aunts and uncles, who were all 1/32nd Ojibwe, were all writing this on college applications and job applications just so they could be a better candidate for a position, I began to feel it. I feel that this has come full circle to me. I am the one in my family who will continue the Ojibwe traditions and such.
On December 16, 2009, I attended my first Inter-Tribal Student Organization meeting on campus. There I met people who have become family to me. There I met Natives of Menominee decent, of Oneida decent, of Ojibwe decent, and of Stockbridge-Munsee (a band of Mohican) decent.
Over the month of January, in the year 2010, I made my first batch of fry bread, courtesy of @amazingflora & @peacefrog1997. And I smudged for the first time. I thank @TashinaBanks for that. I also found my guide in all this in @Thisoutlawtorn. I am really grateful to all of these people.
This semester I am taking an Anishinaabe literature course. Through this I’ve found that the three things an Ojibway person needs to know are: what their Ojibwe name is, what clan are they in, and where are they from. I know that my Ancestors hail from the Red Cliff Band of Lake Superior Chippewa. As stated before, I am 1/64th Ojibwe biologically. So I’d have to go back six generations, not including myself, to find the clan I belong to. This makes it very difficult for me because I feel like a homeless person sometimes, looking at all the houses I could belong in, knowing that I do belong to one of them, yet not being able to go in one in fear of not belonging. After I graduate from college with my Bachelor’s Degree, I’m moving to Red Cliff for a period of time to get an Ojibwe name and hopefully find my clan if I haven’t by then. And also for some experience with living on a reservation.
I am going to find the clan I belong in so my children will NEVER have to deal with it like I have.
I must say that now that I’m a spiritualist, praying to Gitchie-Manitou, and talking to the spirits of my Ancestors, my spirit is full now and my heart is healed. I am so absolutely elated now and excited about my future because my spirit is happy and my heart is not sick anymore.
Any questions? Feel free to ask me @starsintheskies on Twitter.
The first reservation I visited or saw with my eyes, not via a T.V./ computer screen or a photo, a Cherokee rez in the Smoky Mountains, in Appalachia. I didn’t like the state of affairs that I saw there. This was when I was in the third month of me being eighteen. I began to feel for these Native people who lived in bad conditions in the Appalachian Mountains. At this point, I did not know that there were tribes that lived in worse circumstances. That happened during my Spring break of my senior year of high school.
I was puzzled and when I’m confounded, I begin research. I am thankfully for the internet because it allowed me to find information based upon that Cherokee rez. And, at 18 years old, I was opened up to the corruptness of a government that I held dear to my very white heart. At this same point, I remembered that I was part Anishinaabe. Biologically, I am 1/64th Anishinaabe. Legally — because of some law — I am a little over a quarter Ojibway. (I feel better every time I get that out).
In November of the year 2008, I wrote a novel that a fictional Lakota man made an appearance in. I researched some of the Lakota language and I came upon a website that allowed me to hear how words and sounds were pronounced via audio clips. I used some words I found on this website in my novel. Using the same website I also learned to count from one through 99 in Lakota.
Then I asked myself, ‘why am I learning the Lakota language when I could be learning the language of the Ojibway people? It would make more sense that, because I’m part Ojibwe, that I would learn that language.’ So I looked online for resources and found a source that was looked over by a speaker of the Anishinaabemowin, the language of the Ojibway people. I was overwhelmed by the sounds, the look, and the length of Ojibwe words, as compared to those of the Lakota language. It was truly a completely different language. I became frustrated and simply decided to move on with my life. This all happened from November of 2008 through July of 2009.
It wasn’t until September of 2009, with the help of a class that I took called Native American Literature I, that my heart, spirit, mind, soul, and ways of thinking really changed. My spirit and heart were never full, even through my childhood. I knew something was wrong there, I just couldn’t put a finger on it until I took this class on Native American Literature. I realized that while my cousins, who were all 1/64th Ojibwe, and my aunts and uncles, who were all 1/32nd Ojibwe, were all writing this on college applications and job applications just so they could be a better candidate for a position, I began to feel it. I feel that this has come full circle to me. I am the one in my family who will continue the Ojibwe traditions and such.
On December 16, 2009, I attended my first Inter-Tribal Student Organization meeting on campus. There I met people who have become family to me. There I met Natives of Menominee decent, of Oneida decent, of Ojibwe decent, and of Stockbridge-Munsee (a band of Mohican) decent.
Over the month of January, in the year 2010, I made my first batch of fry bread, courtesy of @amazingflora & @peacefrog1997. And I smudged for the first time. I thank @TashinaBanks for that. I also found my guide in all this in @Thisoutlawtorn. I am really grateful to all of these people.
This semester I am taking an Anishinaabe literature course. Through this I’ve found that the three things an Ojibway person needs to know are: what their Ojibwe name is, what clan are they in, and where are they from. I know that my Ancestors hail from the Red Cliff Band of Lake Superior Chippewa. As stated before, I am 1/64th Ojibwe biologically. So I’d have to go back six generations, not including myself, to find the clan I belong to. This makes it very difficult for me because I feel like a homeless person sometimes, looking at all the houses I could belong in, knowing that I do belong to one of them, yet not being able to go in one in fear of not belonging. After I graduate from college with my Bachelor’s Degree, I’m moving to Red Cliff for a period of time to get an Ojibwe name and hopefully find my clan if I haven’t by then. And also for some experience with living on a reservation.
I am going to find the clan I belong in so my children will NEVER have to deal with it like I have.
I must say that now that I’m a spiritualist, praying to Gitchie-Manitou, and talking to the spirits of my Ancestors, my spirit is full now and my heart is healed. I am so absolutely elated now and excited about my future because my spirit is happy and my heart is not sick anymore.
Any questions? Feel free to ask me @starsintheskies on Twitter.
Friday, March 5, 2010
Complex, A Brief Biography
I — just like a lot, and perhaps all of, the human beings on the planet — am complex. The complexity of myself has made it hard to figure out where I should begin. Shall I start in the beginning of my life? In the middle parts? Where I am right now? All these questions will be answered. I think its best for me to tell you where I come from, my background if you will.
I was born in the year 1990 on February Second. I was my parent's third child. However I am the second daughter of a second daughter — hence the number two holds high significance to me.
I attended a small pre-school taught by a Sri Lankan woman. The pre-school was held in her home. When I hit four years old, my mother enrolled me in Tap classes at my former dance school, Richard's School of the Dance. At that age I was also enrolled in Kindergarten. After Kindergarten, I ventured on to grade 1.
I developed my first crush at that age and had my first kiss. It wasn't until third grade that I had my first boyfriend, even though it was just innocent flirtation. He was a Vikings fan and it was fitting that a daughter of two Vikings fans would date a Vikings fan. The whole affair lasted a week.
After grade five I went on to Junior High School, grades six through eight. In grade six I had a boyfriend for less than an hour, in Modern Language class. However in grade seven there was this boy who asked me out. I said no and felt guilty as hell about it. My friends, who were also his friends, stressed to me that it was only a joke. I had it somewhere in my mind that they were all against me and I started building walls around me. I moved on to a different group of friends who I still adore today.
After grade eight, I moved on to Senior High School. I had two long distance relationships with guys in my Senior High School days, they depressed my heart and soul. I had two flings in this area of my life as well, both with guys from Canada in Hawaii.
I graduated High School with a 3.232GPA with Honors. After High School I went on to attend the University of Wisconsin Oshkosh, where I am at today. I struggled for my first two semesters but I'm on my feet again. It seems my Senioritis stayed with me through freshman year.
I was born in the year 1990 on February Second. I was my parent's third child. However I am the second daughter of a second daughter — hence the number two holds high significance to me.
I attended a small pre-school taught by a Sri Lankan woman. The pre-school was held in her home. When I hit four years old, my mother enrolled me in Tap classes at my former dance school, Richard's School of the Dance. At that age I was also enrolled in Kindergarten. After Kindergarten, I ventured on to grade 1.
I developed my first crush at that age and had my first kiss. It wasn't until third grade that I had my first boyfriend, even though it was just innocent flirtation. He was a Vikings fan and it was fitting that a daughter of two Vikings fans would date a Vikings fan. The whole affair lasted a week.
After grade five I went on to Junior High School, grades six through eight. In grade six I had a boyfriend for less than an hour, in Modern Language class. However in grade seven there was this boy who asked me out. I said no and felt guilty as hell about it. My friends, who were also his friends, stressed to me that it was only a joke. I had it somewhere in my mind that they were all against me and I started building walls around me. I moved on to a different group of friends who I still adore today.
After grade eight, I moved on to Senior High School. I had two long distance relationships with guys in my Senior High School days, they depressed my heart and soul. I had two flings in this area of my life as well, both with guys from Canada in Hawaii.
I graduated High School with a 3.232GPA with Honors. After High School I went on to attend the University of Wisconsin Oshkosh, where I am at today. I struggled for my first two semesters but I'm on my feet again. It seems my Senioritis stayed with me through freshman year.
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