How I Feel About Myself

I don't and never have put much value on myself for I put exceedingly more value on others. I do believe that it all comes down to my old way of thinking that my sole purpose was to ease the lives and burdens of others and not my own, to please others and not myself, to do things for others and not for me, to love others and not myself.

This way of thinking was shaken down to its foundation when my soul, heart, and mind became sad, it was quite a depressive sad. For months, I had no idea why they were sad. It truly puzzled me. In January of 2009, I came to terms with the dismal reality of the state of things within myself, which I quickly perceived were bad. There was no love for myself in me.

At that point, I knew I had a lot of thinking to do. Ergo, I thought and thought and though until I came up with a solution, a selfish one —— at least I thought so at the time. I promised myself that until I began to love myself I would put off the demands of others and to stop pleasing others until I did. It wasn't until June of 2009 that I instigated fulfilling my promise to myself. During this period I was on Summer Break and had lots of time to dedicate to myself.

Through many meditations, relaxing candle lit baths, pampering myself, and taking care of myself more I learned how to love myself. I remember several occasions during this time when family or friends asked for a back, neck, or foot rub and I flat out refused. Back to the point. I ever so nurtured myself during this period which ended in mid-August of 2009. I learned how to self-love in about two and a half months.

After that was when I started using Twitter more and when I became the coolest sibling in my family. I also grew into a happier person, capable of love and kindness on a greater level than before, now my promise seems all-the-less selfish. I have a better way of thinking. I still have yet to embrace myself fully and to place great value on myself. I know this will come with time.

I now share my burdens with a select bunch of people I've met on Twitter. My favorite quote about this comes from the Osage tribe: "We are friends; we must assist each other to bear our burdens." These people, as notated by Twitter username, are @Thisoutlawtorn, @MeanderingSoul, @Queerbunni —— who is no longer with us on Twitter, and @West_4. I would trust my heart in their hands any day.

I would like to add that the sweetgrass that my Twitter friend @TashinaBanks gave me truly has helped with the issue that this blog post is about. It attracted positiveness to me and thereby has made me so much more of a positive person.

My piece of wisdom for you is:

Love everyone equally; that everyone includes yourself.

I learned that the hard way and, must I say, it was quite the journey. I now look in the mirror and I love the person I see and I recognize her! I also feel damn good about myself!

Question (please let me know your answer via Twitter @starsintheskies): How do you feel about me?